The Desires of Your Heart

So..if you know me at all or have been around me for just a few minutes, chances are you know that I love Africa! I love everything about it--I would love to pick up right now and move there for who knows how long--I want to adopt kids from there--I love the people, the simplicity of life, and their longing for something more. Since I was 15 I have longed to go, to live their, and to share with them a love from a Father that can meet all of their needs and longings. This was really hard for some people to understand, seeing that until about 2 years ago I had never even been! But if the Lord has ever placed something like this on your heart--you understand completely.

When I started the process of Hands-On(who I'm going with in the fall)--my mind and heart was only set on Africa. When choosing a job description and location I only looked at Africa--that was all I was interested in and all that I ever had been. I looked and looked and just could not decide a top 3..I just didn't have a peace about it at all. And then the Lord just hit me over the head with it--"Courtney..people everywhere need to hear of My Love.." wow..how could I be so closed off..I felt so selfish. All this time, I had only been looking at what I wanted. I wasn't allowing the Lord to lead me. I was simply choosing my own path. At that moment I started looking at other jobs in other place. Believe it or not, my first choice ended up being a home for young girls in Bangladesh! No where near Africa. And I honestly was so excited about it---I researched the city, learned about the people, the customs, and the religions.

The process of finding out was extremely long--as any of my closest friends can tell you! I checked my e-mail a million times a day--probably annoyed the IMB with a million emails asking when I was going to find out! I was going crazy with waiting!

One weekend I was home, I randomly went to check my e-mail and there it was. I was going to South Africa! I was beyond shocked! I was not expecting it at all! As time went by, the Lord revealed so much to me. The Lord specific desires on our heart for a reason--He doesn't want us to be unhappy! However, often times I believe that He simply wants us to surrender COMPLETELY to His calling. Not just the part we are comfortable with or the part we are expecting. It was as if He was saying to me--I just wanted to test you..I wanted to see if you were willing to open the plans I have for you--no matter what they are! Through this I was brought to Psalm 37:4--Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart!

He simply wants us to be willing to go wherever He leads us! What a mighty God we serve! A God who keeps His promises and loves to delight His children!

Facing Insecurities

In preparation for my trip, a friend of mine suggested that I read "The Missionary Call." It's a great book about all different aspects of the mission field and right now I am on the section about hindrances to the call. I have really been praying lately that the Lord would open my eyes to the things I need to change and work on to be better prepared for July 31. I know that I am so completely unworthy and not at all at the place I need to be; however, I know that in my weakness He is made strong. So..the Lord definitely spoke to me through this section of the book--one part in particular said that it is so easy to hide and overlook your insecurities when you are being distracted by the things of this world. It is easy in America to get busy with all the things we have and not deal with our inner struggles. I've never really thought about it in that way--how often do I turn to Katherine, Jess, or Kassidy when I am having a problem? Do I go to them first or do I go to the Lord first?? It's so easy to find a distraction, such as a movie or tv show or even reading a book, so that I don't have to deal with my struggles.

After the Lord revealed this to me last night, I was just amazed by how He answers prayers! He has showed me many things that I need to deal with before I leave. I have got to continue striving to find my contentment in Him and only in Him. He is the only one that will always be there for me and will never lead me astray. I am so thankful to have an amazing Father who is always there for me! Please continue to pray for me as I prepare! I need them and appreciate them more than you will ever know! Please pray that I go to Him first and that I deal with my insecurities instead of being distracted by the things of this world.